I’ve just received the copyedit for Ch 1-12 of Port Casper. It’s interesting to look back over the final draft, the developmental edit, and the copyedit to see how things changes.
Here’s the third draft just prior to editing. All the basic are there, Grace admiring her ptenda, getting disturbed by Flora:
Grace set the ptenda on her forearm and gazed as its bands encircled her wrist. The tiny screen glowed blue. It connected. She felt guilty wearing it, forbidden for her clade. Especially within Cloister.
She stirred. Her consciousness bubbled up from the depths of a dream; a familiar voice reached and tugged.
The developmental edit gets rid of the confusion of is she or isn’t she awake:
Grace stretched in bed and set the ptenda on her forearm, watching its bands encircle her wrist. The tiny screen glowed blue. It connected. She felt guilty wearing it, forbidden for her clade.
She wouldn’t need it today. But she desperately wanted to use it.
And here’s the copyedit. Note that the details of the ptenda are fleshed out:
Grace stretched in bed and placed the ptenda on her forearm, watching its bands encircle her wrist. The tiny screen glowed blue as it connected. Immediately a readout of her vital signs appeared, followed by adjustments to a workout regimen she’d been fiddling with a few weeks before. She knew her ptenda was entangled with a unit hundreds of kilometers away. Sometimes she could barely believe this was human technology, as common as coffee outside her cloister. Once she graduated, she might be assigned to one of those big cities. She planned on it. Imagine, each person with interlocking technology, ptenda in sync with ptenda across the grid. What would it be like, connected all the time?
Barring any typos, this will be the opening paragraph to the book.